But today’s show was inspired by an email I received from Lisa, who said,
“how do you find the time for everything? How do you balance your work and your family? How do you figure out how to find time to market? I just feel like I never get anything done.”
I so feel your pain, Lisa. And so you can listen to the show right here. But here’s a synopsis for the rest of you:
1. Stop Apologizing for Your Ministry
When I started speaking and writing, I felt like it was something I was doing for me-stoking my own ego, so to speak. Therefore, I couldn’t take any time away from my daughters, or my home, or my marriage, or I was somehow cheating. I was being selfish. So the ministry came last. I had to make sure I was SuperMommy before I could go on the computer.
Stop it. If God is calling you to ministry, He wants you to take some time. You don’t have to apologize. You don’t have to compensate. You don’t have to work four times as hard in every other area of your life to get “permission” to do ministry. Ask for help, explain to your mate what you feel is your calling, talk to your friends about it, and stop feeling guilty.
2. Stop Apologizing to Yourself
But if we’re not feeling guilty for letting everyone else down, we often feel guilty for letting ourselves down. I should be accomplishing so much more, we think. I should be trying harder. I should be further ahead.
No. You do what you can, when you can. When my kids were young, I only had time to work while they napped. My ministry grew slowly. When they were older, I did what I could. I didn’t begin blogging or using social media until 2008, when they were able to do most of their homeschooling independently (they were 11 and 13 at the time). God may be calling you to something, but it may be something that grows slowly, in different stages of your life. That’s okay. Even in the beginning years, when you are busy with little ones, or in years when you’re busy taking care of older relatives, He’s still grooming you. He’s giving you great stories to tell one day! He’s giving you life experience. You can still read and learn and pray, even if you don’t do as much speaking now. That’s all right.
3. Stop Feeling Guilty About Not Keeping a Schedule
I used to feel guilty about not getting up at 6:30 to start my day off right. I have finally come to peace with the fact that I’m not a morning person. I often don’t go to sleep until 11:30 or midnight, so I”ll spend some “time” with my husband early in the evening, say from 10-11, and then he’ll go to sleep while I’m on my iPad until midnight, lying in bed beside him. That’s okay. I’m getting work done at night.
I also used to feel guilty because I read all these productivity magazine articles that said that I was supposed to have “work hours”. I tried that. It never worked. And I felt horrible about it. I tried working from 10-12, thinking that then I would get stuff done. But then we’d have doctor’s appointments, or Katie would need help with math, and I’d end up resenting he for it.
You need to do what works for you. I start a timer at the beginning of the day, and try to work for 2 1/2 hours on my big projects. I hit start, and get to work. When an interruption comes, I hit stop. And then when I sit back down, I hit start again. So over the day I’m trying to get to 2 1/2 hours. When I do get there, I stop. I go make dinner, or I relax, or I do something else.
I find working for 2 1/2 hours less stressful than saying, “I need to get this done today”, because then if you don’t get it doen you feel guilty. Instead, I do what I can in the hours that I have decided are reasonable.
One caveat: this doesn’t work well when you have small children. If you’re constantly trying to “snatch” time when there are preschoolers underfoot, you’ll end up resenting them because they’re always interrupting you. It’s better in that case to have time at night, when your husband has them, or to trade baby-sitting time with friends, or to work when they nap or when they watch a video (we used to save movies for when Mommy needed to work).
4. Figure out your main goal for the month
We all have endless to do lists on what we need to do to get our speaking ministry going. I need a better website. I need a Facebook page. I need to write my talk for the retreat. I need to send out my newsletter. I need to do this. Stop it. Just stop it. If you think in terms of your to-do list, you’ll never feel to done. You’ll always feel like you haven’t accomplished anything because there is always more to do.
Instead, think in terms of one or two big projects you want to work on this month. Maybe it’s getting an ebook together, or cold calling churches to book a speaking tour. Figure out your main goals (and if you have trouble focusing, my webinar, Treating Speaking Like a Business, gives you an amazing tool to figure out what is most useful for you to concentrate on, and what will most help your ministry). Then you’re focused, and the other stuff can get done later. You’ve taken care of the importan tthings.
Do these four things, and you’ll stop feeling so guilty! So listen in if you missed the show. And be sure to check out my webinar, Treating Speaking Like a Business!
Kelli Wommack says
Wow, Sheila. I think you had a fly on my wall or something! I can so relate to Lisa and her question. Thank you for answering so honestly and practically.
I love all four points, but the 2.5 hours suggestion is one I cannot wait to implement. And I have just now in the last few months stopped apologizing for my ministry. It is a calling! It requires time, sacrifice, investment, and prioritization.
You are truly one of my heroes in this ministry. I love your generosity in sharing your experiences. It is very helpful to those of us who are coming behind you.
Thank you and God bless!
Thanks so much, Kelli! I appreciate it. And the 2.5 hour thing works for me; for you it may be 1.5 hours, or 2 hours, or 3 hours. Just pick something that works for you so that you won’t feel guilty! 🙂
Diane Yuhas says
Thanks for some great practical advice! I’ve tried “office hours” too, but I work so much better at my own pace. Some days I work hard and long, other days I don’t. Trying to keep to a pre-determined schedule only makes me feel like a failure. It was so nice to read this today and know I’m not the lazy-bones I thought I might be.
Diane, I try so many different programs it’s not even funny. I’ve realized that my schedule just changes every few weeks, and there’s no point trying to stick to any one solution. I just go with it, and release myself from the guilt!
Renee Rowell says
Hi Sheila,
Thank you so much for this! I wish I could tell you just how much this post has spoken peace into my life! Both of our children are grown, although our 18 YO is still at home for the time being, but he’s pretty much on his own. However, my husband & I are caregivers for my mom, so between that and church responsibilities and my job and writing and speaking, I’m a bit frazzled a lot of the time.
Honestly, I’ve considered some of the things you mentioned in your post, but the guilt factor was the biggest issue. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your experiences with us! Sometimes it just takes someone else sharing their story that makes us feel like we have “permission”, as it were, to lead normal lives.
God Bless You!
Renee
You’re so welcome, Renee! I can imagine how frazzled you are, and caring for a parent is an especially heavy weight. Just think of the material God’s giving you right now, and one day you’ll be able to share it more! For right now, do what you can, and bloom where you’re planted, and STOP FEELING GUILTY! 🙂
Shelly Roberts says
What type of recorder do you suggest for recording messages?
Shelly, I use an Olympus digital recorder. It plugs into the USB port and allows me to access it as if it were a hard drive, so that’s what I love about it! But you should buy an external microphone to plug into it to make higher quality recordings.
Shelly Roberts says
Thanks, Sheila! Do you use a certain program to edit?
Yep. I use Roxio Suite, but any audio program will do. I find that one is fairly easy to use. And then I just download music from Pinnacle Studio to put at the beginning and the end.
Shelly Roberts says
“My ministry is not just gonna get the leftovers …”. Wow. Hello. 🙂 Lots of good stuff here!
Bel Kennedy says
So great that you mentioned the struggle of having preschoolers underfoot and trying to snatch time here and there. I decided to stop my Masters in Theology this year because I found the pressure was too great for me and my youngest. It is good to hear that your ministry also grew slowly in these years. Thanks again for your posts 🙂
You’re so welcome! I’m sure that was a difficult decision for you, but you can pick it up later. You can’t get these years back. And it’s hard to enjoy them when you always feel there’s some work you should be doing!
Heidi McLaughlin says
I love all this chit chat, thanks Sheila for your practical words of wisdom. I also have a very full plate with working, being a pastor’s wife, mother and step-mother of 5 and writing and speaking. I have to keep reminding myself “What I do does not give me meaning, but I give meaning to what I do.” So I have to stop comparing myself to others and what “I should be doing” and do the “good works” God prepare for me (Eph. 2:10) each year.” So in January of each year, I meet with God very specifically and lay out goals and plans for the coming year. It might mean a book proposal and to write one blog a week; and perhaps to get 2 or 3 articles published. Then I ask God for speaking engagements that I can handle and to use me for HIS Kingdom in the way that fits my life’s purpose. After I do my devotions every morning I always end in this simple prayer. “God help me to do today what you need me to do today; no more-no less; to bring glory to your name” Amen. You cannot believe how these steps and that simple prayer have freed me from unrealistic expectations, ridiculous obligations and have made me STOP and focus on the important things I can do each day. Freedom and JOY!! Hugs to all of you for your great comments and practical advice..
What a great plan! Thanks for sharing it here.
Lori Chelf says
Thank you for your encouragement. Your words about God growing the ministry over time have given me freedom not to feel like I must post at specified intervals to be successful.
Sincerely,
Lori
Have you been reading my (e)mail?
I’m finding myself so rushed…writing an eBook, learning how to use WordPress, doing the social media thing, a deadline for 3 devos, writing fresh blog posts, checking on my ailing mother, remembering to plan dinner and my floors need mopping!