photo © 2009 Nathan Siemers | more info (via: Wylio)
Recently a blog held a contest for the “25 Best Faith Blogs”. Somehow a ton of pagan blogs got on the list, along with a bunch of Christian mom blogs, and a voting war started between the pagan blogs and the Christian ones. It got kind of nasty. The Christians that I saw were trying to stay above the fray, and trying to minister the best they could, but things were dicey, because here were these women who were blogging for basically no other purpose than that they wanted to encourage other moms, and on all their heart-felt posts about motherhood, they were getting slammed in the comments by pagans, who had just found their blogs through the contest.
For many of these Christian moms it was a hard lesson about the internet. Up until then they had flown under the radar, attracting readers who were already Christian, and not really generating negative comments. Now, all of a sudden, they were being attacked for their faith.
I experienced something similar last week. Every week I try to upload a Vlog on my marriage blog that has something to do with marriage. Two weeks ago I uploaded one on what to do when marriage doesn’t meet your expectations. My advice? Remember that marriage is more about holiness than happiness, and instead of expecting your spouse to do all these incredible things, turn to God and ask Him to make you a great wife. Go to Him for your encouragement, and get your eyes off your spouse’s failures. Here it is if you want to see:
Well, the video went by with a few hundred from my blog watching it, when all of a sudden one morning from out of nowhere I had a dozen comments on it, all a variant of “dump the jerk!”, although several used much more colourful language. I deleted them all, but the thumbs down had been hit repeatedly. (If you can go and hit “thumbs up“, I would so appreciate it!).
I asked other friends to go by and thumbs it up, but the two incidents together taught me something.
We can’t be out in social media without being noticed. And sometimes that notice will be very negative.
You can’t stand for truth and not have people lambaste you. So what do you do?
In some cases, it’s better to keep the comments and not worry about it. If you were starting a blog where debate was the main purpose, then by all means, keep the comments. But that’s not what I chose to do, for several reasons:
1. My website is an advertisement
If people see that I’m consistently “thumbed down”, or attacked in the comments-even if they agree with what I write-they’re going to think that I’m not as persuasive or not as professional as they’re looking for. People tend not to like conflict. So be careful!
2. My website is a ministry
People come to my site and click on my links for advice-and godly advice at that. If people are writing things that diametrically oppose what you are saying, then they could be leading a hurting person who has stumbled upon your website in the wrong direction. And that’s why I deleted them.
Anyone who is online has to have a comment policy, and so here are just some thoughts:
1. Consider comment moderation
Most blogging platforms allow comment moderation. If your website is a ministry, then you may not want really bad comments on your blog-or even profane ones. Turning on comment moderation means that you have to click “okay” before a comment is published. It’s more time consuming for you, and it means that people’s comments don’t show up right away. But it’s likely a good idea.
2. On some platforms, turn off comments altogether.
I’m thinking of turning off comments on YouTube, though I haven’t done that yet. There are some platforms where it’s just too easy to be “discovered” by accident by people who don’t agree, and it’s too easy to be put down. So I’m considering turning them off, since the main purpose of my videos is just to minister, not so that people will debate in the comments. The debates happen on Facebook or on my blogs.
3. Allow comments, but respond thoughtfully
Another option is to keep the comments there, but respond appropriately to all of them. This may be seen as the “Christian” way to do it, because you’re answering their questions and doing further ministry. But the problem is that most people who comment never come back to see what you’ve said. Most just leave a negative comment and then are never heard from again, so you’re not really ministering to them. You’re simply giving them a platform for their views.
In some cases, allowing those comments may, indeed, be useful, especially if you can counter them in a loving and logical manner. But in others, the presence of comments is just hurtful.
4. Defriend if necessary
If someone on your Facebook Page is becoming a menace, or someone is constantly attacking you on Twitter, block them. you have the ability, and it’s okay to use it. Just because you’re out there does not mean that others have the right to attack you, or drain your emotional energy. It is YOUR platform. It is YOUR Facebook Page, your blog, your Twitter account. You are not obligated to give them a platform to say what they want to say. They can go make their own blog if they want to do that. So don’t be afraid to block people if you need to!
When you step out in faith and put your words out in the internet, people will at some point criticize you. It’s only natural. People don’t like messages about truth, and honour, and commitment, and dignity, and integrity, and holiness. So don’t take it personally when you are attacked. Just realize it’s part of the job, they did worse to Jesus, and He’ll handle it with you! And put some safeguards into your sites so that they don’t become places where bad advice in the comments is allowed to flourish!
Having difficulty with being attacked? Wrestling through your calling? My keynote address-The Purpose and Adventure of Speaking-can help inspire you.
Tina Hollenbeck says
Thanks for writing this! I haven’t been “attacked” on my blog yet - just a few, occasional questionable comments - but I do get regularly attacked on Facebook because I speak up. And I know that, if I become more “known,” my blog may take hits, too. As you say, that’s inevitable when we speak Truth, but I also like how you point out the proactive steps we can take.
shona neff says
Good post and guidance, Sheila. You are especially right about the standing for the truth and being lambasted…just read about that in Amos 8:12 where Amos is basically told to flee and not rock the boat. It’s going to happen and the varying degrees of negative comments are worth considering when weighing our options as to how to handle the situation.
Susie Cantrell ~ SusieMM413 says
Shona,
Agree! Like Your observations ~ 2 Thumbs Up!
Amen.
Love Ya! Susie 🙂
Heather Laurie says
Left a thumbs up and thumbs up several of your comments that were spot on. Love is a choice. It will not always be the chemistry hot love. Sometimes you will have a stable, steady love. Other times you might even dislike you mate because of circumstances or an argument but even then you love because you are devoted to one another through thick and thin.
Keep up the good work and don’t let the naysayers overwhelm your heart!
God bless
Heather Laurie
http://www.specialneedshomeschooling.com
Susie Cantrell ~ SusieMM413 says
Heather,
Also Agree! Like Your observations on Love. Grt book for all of us women ~ “Lord, Change Me!” By Evelyn Christenson. Read it in College & helped me grow as Christian Woman & re-read it after I married & again. Married 22yrs! God is our ‘tie that binds’!
Just as in Marriage our Ministries will be under attack as Shelia put it so well. I will also remember your encoraging words “don’t let the naysayers overwhelm your heart.” I love the way you put that.
~ 2 Thumbs Up!
Amen.
Love Ya! Susie 🙂
Susie Cantrell ~ SusieMM413 says
Shelia Darlin’,
I appreciate you & your ministry so much. I consider you a Mentor. I am Stepping Up & Out to the Next Level of Ministry to the Princesses of God with my hand firmly in His strong, loving grip while my eyes & heart search His Word & His Women’s Ministry Girls’ sites for lessons to learn. I’m glad He led me here. I find Encouragement, Inspiration & Practical Tools of Ministry. Thank_You. 🙂
I enCourage you to keep to the path & continue to allow your heart to be poured out for others are receiving His Word thru you & His Ministry you shepherd.
Blessings & Have a JOY-Full Day!
Love Ya! Susie 🙂
Lisa E. Williams says
Well said and sound advice given. I have put some of those suggestions in place even on my website and blog which are not read by many at all. Maybe God is preparing me for more… even contrary readers.
Diane Yuhas says
Sheila, I so appreciate this post. I haven’t had many negative comments since most people who read my blog are Christians, but I’ve thought it important to respond and leave them there. But you are right about the fact that many never come back to see your reply. They are not interested in dialogue. I think I may continue to respond, but if they do not return after a few days, I may simply delete those comments.
Candy Troutman says
I haven’t had such attacks on my blog yet but I have on Facebook. Because of my younger days of dominating and controlling and aggressive behavior and words, I am devastated when there is controversy on my posts. I have always deleted them. Thank you for reminding me not to take it so personally. I don’t want to speak a watered down truth just for the sake of having no disagreement. Satan doesn’t attack something that isn’t a threat to him.
Diane Yuhas says
Candy, I can’t believe you ever were dominating, controlling, or aggressive! Just messin’ with ya. Love, Diane
sheilagregoire says
I like that, Candy: “Satan doesn’t attack something that isn’t a threat to him.” So true! And, after all, don’t we all want to be DANGEROUS?
Cindy Bultema says
Thanks for a very helpful, thought-inducing post. I’ve wrestled with the exact questions. Although I’ve not been “attacked” ~ I have prayerfully decided to block comments when I post on YouTube. I appreciate all of your thoughts (and your sweet commenters) and hope you’ll continue to teach us in this area! (I learn so much from you!)
Have a wonderful weekend! Sweet blessings, Cindy 🙂
P.S. I did a thumbs up for you! 🙂
Alice says
My husband and I have been in ministry a number of years, but It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I was asked to speak specifically at a Women’s Retreat. For the first time in my life I felt like “this is what I am called to do”. From beginning to end it was a blessing. Shortly afterwards though we lost our home and had to move from the area. I spoke in another women’s retreat in AL, 1600 miles away from previous retreat, and felt the same way, but after two years this seemed to have gotten put on the back shelf as we did other ministry (Although during this time I still taught ladies Bible studies and did youth retreats). This last year has been a real struggle physically for me which is unusual, so I called some friends for prayer. In essence what they felt from the Lord was that God was calling me back to my true calling - Teach women about intimacy with him, which has always been my heart. I was excited, relieved, and felt that a cloud had lifted from me when these words were spoken to me, but now I almost don’t know where to begin and I am a little scared too. I did put the word out through our ministry email list and I am recruiting individual prayer partners for this specifically. I am praying for clear direction on the steps Jesus wants me to take as my heart is to glorify and honor Him.
Thanks for letting me share
Alice Voyles
[email protected]